Sully Iqbal

Creator, Entertainer, Smile Maker

Filtering by Tag: coming of age

Living alone in London - part 2

A few weeks ago I wrote my first blog post, after 3 weeks of living in London. Another 3 weeks have gone by and, honestly, both a lot and not much has changed.

I'd mentioned the Meetup App as a means to make friends.  I've tried out the app one or two times and it seems pretty alright. My issue with it is less so with the app but with myself. Many of the conventional meetups are centred around drinking and nightlife. In all honesty, I'm not a nightlife kind of guy. I don't drink, mainly for personal reason, but many attribute it to my religious beliefs. And the two time's I've been clubbing I hated it! Too loud, too many people and too many creepy guys trying to feel unsuspecting women.

The few meetups I've found interesting are more relaxed and up my avenue. However, the ones I'd really love to attend are a considerable distance from where I live, and that's in London alone! For example, I'm a Bollywood fanatic, but I'm really not feeling travelling 40 minutes on the tube to watch a film with other people. On the flipside, one meetup I honestly really enjoyed was the Silent Bookclub. It was low key, in a creative jazzy environment, and with people who genuinely enjoyed reading! Not only that but I met a woman that worked for a drama school that had rejected me a few years ago! NO IM NOT BITTER.

My level of bitter

My level of bitter


Aside from the Meetup App escapades not much has happened. This makes me question, Am I doing something wrong? When I imagined moving out I thought that I'd go through this amazing fast paced metamorphosis and become a beautiful butterfly. Imagining I'd become one of those souls searching millennials, who have potted plants and discussions with new wonderful people. However I feel like the same guy, with a lot less money, but know knows how to cook and pay bills, so that's a bonus I suppose.

I thought I'd become like Heimlich from 'A Bug's Life'

The reason I suggest that it may be my own fault is that I've personally not done a whole lot to change as a person. Is that a good thing? I'm not too sure. A lot of people I know become completely independent of their family, quickly after leaving the nest. Giving them the occasional phone call and visiting once in a blue moon. However, I myself have spent 5 out of 6 weekends back home in the safety of my parents home. I can take the easy route and blame the fact that my parents call me twice a day, asking when I'm coming home. Or the fact that my mother starts to tear up when I leave on a Sunday evening, to return to my own 'digs'.

However, that would be lying. Yes, that is part of why I go home, but it's also because it's easier. Isn't it? It's so much simpler to be with your family in a comfortable environment than with strangers. 

I've started to understand that I as an individual like comfort and when given the option will take the comfortable option. I'm slowly starting to work on this. I've been offered some weekend work. This is a good opportunity to earn some extra money (much needed) but also to take the chance to remain in London and maybe put myself out there more.

It won't be an easy task, but as an individual with dreams, that seem too big for a person like my current incarnation, I need to start growing (emotionally/mentally and start trimming down physically) if I want to attain these dreams.

By dreams I mean goals, however owning a bed sales giant wouldn't hurt I suppose

By dreams I mean goals, however owning a bed sales giant wouldn't hurt I suppose

It's not all doom and gloom though! The past few weeks some really positive things have occurred. Firstly, I've grown increasingly close, emotionally/romantically to a person that came into my life this year. I don't have the greatest track record with this department (a story for another time). But this feels right. I hope it works out.

Secondly, I've opened up at work. Now that I don't have the excuse of a two-hour journey to get home, and my colleagues know this, I've taken more opportunities to stick around a socialise with my work-mates. This has been interesting as I work with a broad spectrum of people and getting to know who I do and do not click with has given me a new perspective on friendship. (Another story for another time).

Living alone in London - part 1

At the age of 20, after being a 3-time university drop out, I'm finally living on my tod in London. It's been about two weeks, and surprisingly I've not gotten the urge to run back to the safety of my home and my mothers home cooked meals. (Although as a single South-Asian male this was probably the biggest adjustment I had to face.)

I've always been a person who spent a lot of time on their own. I've never really felt the urge to go out with others, and the one time I've been clubbing, I was lost beyond belief. Does this make me weird? Perhaps. But I'm just being me.

However, moving to London as seemed to have changed my perception of 'hanging out'. I now crave having people to spend time with, and honestly somewhat regret my decision to live on my own, because I 'don't like sharing'.

However, it's best not to dwell on past decision, but to focus on those to come. (As long as you learn from those decisions.) So what do I do now? I have two people in my life I'd consider close friends, those who I'd consider my "ride or die's'". Unfortunately, they both live a considerable distance from me. I could continue to sit in my flat on my own, play some PlayStation (yes I'm a PlayStation guy) and read a book. However, not only does this ramp up my electricity bill, but it's unhealthy.


How to literally Ride or Die

Don't get me wrong, it's good to be able to be alone and enjoy yourself, but if that's all you do, it's going to get pretty toxic. You're the only person you listen to, all your ideas, all your perceptions become one dimensional. You need others around you to help you mould into a well-defined character. People to give you experiences, make you question your perspective and simply socialise. 

So getting back to my 'what now' scenario. Well at the behest of one of my "ride or die's" I downloaded the Meetup app in an attempt to meet new people. It's intuitive and filled with groups of people doing weird and wonderful things to survive in this crazy city.

Moving a big city is a huge culture shock, especially if you're as introverted as me. It's going to be a long hard slog to become a proper 'Londoner'. But in the words or Wiz Khalifa you 'Gotta Go Hard or Go Home'.

Example of poper Londoner

Example of poper Londoner